Jaye Rush

I dance, therefore, I am. The smell of the ocean and the lapping of water at my feet makes me smile. I sometimes wish I were more than human, like a superhero, or something out of a fairytale. I'm afraid of being alone. I have no idea why I'm writing all of this, letting it open to the public.

Is it wierd that even though I'm sure no one will be interested in reading some stupid girl's biography about herself, I'm still going to write it anyway? I made up a quote last week (no, seriously, I did). "I don't care what people want to read, I only know what want to write." It kind of keeps me in high spirits when I wirte. Especially now. I may seem like some unimportant invisible girl who spends all day on the internet and should see a shrink about her problems, but what do you know? You don't know the first thing about me. I'm not writing this for you, remember, I'm writing this for me.

Truthfully-- I really don't think it's worth lying on here-- I feel really alone most of the time. I feel like that if everyone in the world were to choose one single person whom they cared about the most, no one would choose me. My mother probably would, but really? Would YOU count your own mother in this hypothetical situation? I'm no one's "one and only". No one will ever look me dead in the eyes and say "You are the only person in the world I care about." Now I'm speaking in terms of like a soulmate or something. I believe that soulmates exist, sure why not? I believe that there is someone out there who is 100% perfect for someone else. The trick and major problem is finding that person.

I've never told anyone this, and I sriously hope no one I know personally is reading this, but when I had my first kiss, I felt like I had betrayed someone. I had this horrible feeling in my gut that made me want to puke, or break down in violent tears. The guy was really nice, but i knew way deep down that he wasn't the one. I know it doesn't make much sense, but hey, this is MY life I'm talking about, right? Nothing I do or think or feel makes sense.

I probably sound like a sad, desperate wuss, but that's okay. On the outside, I try to stay strong, tough, I keep all my emotions and mushy feelings bottled up. It's nice to be able to let out the soft side of me for once.

I really hate that this thing has a word limit. -_-