- Technically, I shouldn't even be here
- I don't jaywalk
- Except when I do
- Born on a battlefiend, but from the state of innocence
- Made in America; produced in Germany, came of age in the GDR
- I drank the <strike>Kool-Aid</strike> Gatorade
- Predator posing as a house pet
- House pet posing as a predator
- Proud owner of the densest fox in the forest
- Bastard child of Spock
- Stole it. Drove it. Gave it back. No license.
- Invented tango dancing
- I fall madly in love with every sexbot; they're people two
- Learned world-class palm reading after being raised by Gypsies
- Experimented with full frontal evanesce of orbital bodies in Denver
- Learned to speak British English in Bangkok
- Occupied a multi-national pyramid in Brooklyn
- Tunneled through a shark infested mountain in Mexico
- Acted as an artistic supervisor for the mile high toiletry club
- Once demonstrated how to evade öffentliches Rechts on stage at a BND conference
- Won and lost a cat headbutting contest in Iwo Jima
- Filed patent pending technology for perpetual motion anti-gravity; stolen by aliens
- First certified human to provably encounter the 3rd kind
- Died, came back and will most certainly die again and hope to return as sunlight
- Sometimes mistaken for a rapper, but actually a DJ
- Oversaw and managed the world's largest honey-bear sculpture
- Reigning Marco Polo Champion
- Runner-up, Intergalactic Hide 'N Seek Contest
- Xenophobic Xenophile of a plethora of hats and coats
- Full-time human being, that only sometimes is a human doing
- I am what I am, what else would I be?
- The luckiest unlucky person I'll ever meet
- Actually, truly, a pretty good person with very little ego that would be embarassed to attempt to explain most of this tongue-in-cheek description.