oakie

Shutter Button Actuator in Seattle, Washington

oakie

Shutter Button Actuator in Seattle, Washington

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I am a shutter button actuator based in Seattle, Washington specializing in professionally directed, creatively themed albums designed to celebrate your new best day of your life: your divorce.

I offer products for every broken family at all stages of the break-up. Looking for the perfect last gift for your ex-husband when you meet to finalize the divorce? Why not present to him a beautiful, leather-bound photo album of you and your boyfriend celebrating your 3rd anniversary in Cabo San Lucas?

Let my photography give your ex the middle finger they deserve.

And for the man who's ready to start dating again, before or after the divorce is final, and could use a little help: A custody day shoot with the kids at your local park if you have toddlers, or the mall if you have tweens/teens, signals to the ladies that you're a great single dad. Best of all, they'll know you hired a professional photographer, quietly signaling to them that you have money; a benefit that overcomes any receding hairline. Framed prints perfect for hanging plus downsized, ultra-low resolution digital versions perfect for your Facebook profile.

Let my photography imply that the only thing thicker than your penis is your wallet.

Maybe you just need a custody day alibi for deadbeat dads and messed-up moms? How about a digital album of you and the kids contracting e-coli at Woodland Park Zoo or documenting a memorable day of heavy metals poisoning at Gasworks Park? These albums are perfect for posting to Facebook. As a special gift, I always include 4x6 prints, valid for submission at any custody hearing.

My equipment ranges from the unobtrusive and ubiquitous iPhone X, the supremely capable Fujifilm X-T3 and the high resolution, medium format Fujifilm GFX 50S for truly special occasions. The right hardware is used at the right time for results with a level of authenticity only a trained professional can capture.

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    • Freelancer