Paul Burton

26, without drive and working in a call centre. I was born with the wit and charm of a man who's going to hell for the things that he's done.

At 16 I wrote to the Pope asking to be excommunicated (I had unwittingly been inducted into the Catholic faith shortly after birth, however I was of the opinion that my membership had since lapsed...I wanted to be sure though), and at 19 I sold my soul on ebay for 45 Euros to some guy in Germany.

At 18 years 11 months and 12 days I flew to the US, and filled out the Visa Waiver form suggesting that I was a member of the Nazi Party of Germany and at 18 years 11 months and 13 days, a gentleman in the employ of the Department of Homeland Security kindly asked me not to do it again. I didn't*. I have however done a few other things, some of them better than others - most of it is almost heroically dull. That's life.

*instead, just before Christmas 2010, I applied Veet(tm) to my head and ended up with "moderate to severe" chemical burns to a large portion of my head.