Oh hello there mate! My name's Ralph. And I probably shouldn't have said my name again because it's already written above. You can call me Cabbie or Rar. I'm the capt'n of my pirate ship. I have my scurvy shipmates whackin' some barrels called Inuminatin to jam with wimme all the friggin' time. I'm doing vocals in a band called Lay Disperse (sorry if it sounds like a potato chips brand). Constantly searching for happiness is what I do for a living, that's why I chose to float in the sail. I'm heading nowhere in life (I don't know why I said that but yeah, that's indeed relevant). Captivated about funny things. If you say something funny to me I will like you forever. I like math though it shits on my face sometimes. I like inappropriate sayings and people who do inappropriate things. I'm the most dumb person you will ever get the chance to meet. Well not for Krab, she thinks i'm the awesomest. I acknowledge her for my existence. My happy bubble, my dark fancy rainbow and my best-friend-for-never. Oh well, you've already read quite much on this bio, so does this mean that we're already friends? That's cute.

Come aboard! Look at these stuff you need to know while we're sailin':

1. First of all, you should know how to read and talk like a real pirate.
2. You must have a wide understanding about life and shit.
3. I could easily get bored about things so you better prepare a joke before I slap yo face!
4. I'm a mean bastard and that also imply that you must cope with my actions at all time.
5. Don't talk to my girl without asking for my permission!
6. Oh, yea about no. 5, it applies to all my current girlfies.
7. Learn to stop telling things like "you're an idiot!" but instead, say "God bless you and your delusional soul".
8. Fuck you and your bad breath.
9. ...And other type of body related odor
10. Let there be loooooooove on everything. Smile like a psycho killer
11. Don't trust people easily, they might stole your french fries.
12. Don't be forever sober. It's awesome to be intoxicated, remember that.
13. Roseeeeemaaaaaaaaayyy it's our day! *wink wink*
14. Don't stick to one genre of music. That's a faggot's thing.
15. Open your closed mind. Close your open mouth.
16. Stop using the word swag, it gave me diabetes for shouting that word for just one day.
17. Krabby fo' loif