John Smith

This picture in my bio seems very simple, and in some ways it is. This was taken in Mansfield, Texas; December 2024 and I was writing next to one of my good friends who had just come back from college to visit the school. I remember smiling so much when he came back, not only because he was there, but because of how much I had come to cherish the friendships I did have even if I didn't fully appreciate them. However, this smile encapsulates so many lost and broken friendships that have come from me moving a lot. It wasn't just Mansfield; it was Oklahoma to Nigeria to Arizona back to Georgia then to Texas and finally back to Georgia. I've seen so many people come and go in my life that before these picture tears would mark my memory of people that I knew and smiles only through phones would combat those tears. Very rarely before this point had life been stable enough socially for me to see my friends for 2 school years in a row, and for the first time in a long time I was able to do that. I think this picture was a marker of who I used to be in the past. Ever since high school began, I've been trying to get back to the extroverted side of me that was so open to my personality. I had practiced this in this particular class: AP US History. I came in loud; I came in talking to people, and I had a joy but being around my friend, and that's what friends have always provided me: calm joy. This picture is the image of what I've been trying to chase since I was a freshman in high school: a sense of belonging that would lead me to joy, and peace, but I guess I've been wanting to have it in a group setting. That's been my life: happy at some things but always wanting more. I was happy to be able to live in Nigeria and get a kind of early college experience, I was happy to live in Mansfield and meet people who made me so happy, and likewise in Arizona and Oklahoma but in that joy, I've had this hedonistic belief that maybe just maybe there's a bigger friend group out there for me or often I wonder what would my social life had looked like if I stayed in one place. Both the tears I've written about and smile in the picture testify my desire for more. Is this desire wrong? Probably. I should be more content with my life. Will this desire change? Maybe! I guess I’ll have to wait and see.