Strimmer

He shared the same breast milk with Prince William until they until were both two years old, which would go a long way to explaining the telepathic link they share to this day.
This may sound good but it is somewhat limited. It appears that they are only able to share this link whilst taking a dump. Both of them at the same time, which sometimes doesn't happen for months at a time, and even then they may tune into each other at the 'snipping off' point or even worse, the 'clean up operation'.
They have found that they have had to orchestrate their telepathic toilet antics by phone, which I'm sure you will agree, defeats the object.
What I am trying to say reader, is do not feel jealous if you do not have telepathic tendencies as it is literally shit anyway!
Strimmer used to be a lollipop man until he was recruited by British intelligence back in 2006, he has served 13 tours of duty but this is all hush hush and is never mentioned, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it here!
An avid collector of rocks, also highly skilled at glass blowing.

He has been credited with creating the Internet, purely by accident one day when he accidentally left foil on his plate when he microwaved his lamb cutlets at work.
Ashamed of being nude, he hasn't changed his clothes since he turned 10.
All in all a disgustingly horrendous human being.

He also makes and plays Techno. So give him a listen.