Thomas Corfield

I was born in London several years ago, definitely before last Thursday. This was a good year for all concerned, and for me in particular, because without it, later years would mean little. I owe a lot to that first year, and now live because of it in undisclosed locations, after having successfully absconded from probation. Although I find making friends difficult, this is only because no one likes me. Including my mother, who didn’t bother giving me a name until I was nine. My solicitor describes me as having an allergy to apostrophes and an aversion to punctuation that borders on pathological. This makes the popularity of my books all the more remarkable. At least it would if there was any. But there isn't. So it doesn't. I was recently interviewed in Joomag's Meals of Food magazine, which didn't help anyone.