Tina Tibbs

Hello survivors!I am calling you a survivor, because if you have visited this site, you may, UNFORTUNELY, been effected by sexual abuse, whether it is you or someone you love, you have been effected. I am 45 years old and it only has been in the last recent years that I have been able to learn how to live life, without just reacting to it. It amazed me, when I finally got help, how in every situation in my life was a reaction, rather than a concrete decision. I based all my decisions through the mind of an abused individual, not a strong survivor. My life was completely out of control, I tried everything to hide or cover up the feelings that I was experiencing. Of course, I tried alcohol and drugs to cope, but that only works for a moment, than it just made matters worse.It wasn’t until one morning when me and my dog went high in the hills, in my jeep, so no one could readily reach me, that my life took a major turn. I secured my dog, trying to decide what to do with him, because I already knew what I planned to do to myself. With a gun to my head, ready to pull the trigger, I asked my spirit one more time, “what the hell is wrong with me & why can’t I be happy”, well I did end up finally making a good decision, I put the gun down. Without going into great detail right now, I came off that hill and went the mental hospital, where I stayed a month. When I was released from the hospital, I continued my work with the therapist. We went step by step through my whole life and dealt with everything that needed to be dealt with, it was intense. As mentioned before everything stemmed from the effects of the abuse. However, it was more difficult for me to deal with the aftershocks of the abuse, than dealing with the act itself. In short, the abuse wasn’t my fault, but basically the ways I dealt with it was and that was very difficult for me to admit, I could no longer blame everyone else for my problems.My story is probably not much different from anyone else who has suffered, because of sexual abuse, however, how we choose to deal with it, probably differs from person to person. Nevertheless, here we are! My blog is a place where I am willing to share my honest, raw and intense journey to recovery. It will consist of daily journals, occasional poems and artwork, which helped me express issues that words could not explain. I was told, “the steps are easy, but the process is the hardest thing you will ever do”, they were so RIGHT, but to results were WORT