Ugly Duckling

A new friend helped me realize that I suffer from something he refers to as Ugly Duckling Syndrome. He had never known me to be the person I spent most of my life as: outgoing, confident, and polished, but overweight and aware that I didn’t have the cutesy-girl appearance that would allow me get things easily in life as so many do, simply because of the attention their beauty attracts. My mother used to even tell me as a child that I better do well in school because my looks weren't going to get me by in life....

My parents have shared their memories of certain characteristics of my personality that I exhibited as far back as the very few years of my life. Apparently, even at the young age of 3, I would scope out a situation, location, or activity – learning enough that would allow me to more often than not strategically succeed at whatever was my ultimate mission, I think this quality has both helped me succeed in life, as well as hindered it in many ways. While other people enjoy the thrill in taking risks, I have never been one to feel comfortable doing so, and thus know the difference between those who feel entitled to what they receive, and those who have had to work towards it.

I learned early on in life ways to successfully obtain the validation one needs in order to be content by basically filling my time. I realize only now that I've achieved a more appealing physical exterior what I had actually been doing. I had succeeded at hiding behind myself by keeping busy actively participating in organizations or becoming fully engaged in my job. Most importantly this was enabled by developing many true friendships where I was able to establish myself in social circles that allowed me to shine, by playing an important part in creating the memories of the fun times shared.

The relationships I've had, experiences I have shared, and choices I've made in my life have definitely created the complete person I am today… but on the inside only --

I definitely like who I see in the mirror, but I still do not recognize who it is, now that I’ve lost and kept off for almost 3 years now, 100lbs!