My shirts are almost always wrinkled, yet a logical explanation exists. See, my astrochart reveals that Earth's gravitational pull shifted at the precise coordinates (38.018486, -84.5123672, N38° 1.1092', W084° 30.742') and time of my birthing (1630). Annoyingly, it happened right between my mother's legs, trapping me into a quasi-extra spatial dimension bubble; resulting in anything 100% cotton becoming crushed.